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almost perfect
tomorrow's a new day
xalmostxperfect
nns120
Age:22
Eating Disorder: bulimic
Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed: psych diagnosed
Time period of ED: 6 months
Height:5'4"
Cw:137
Lw:129
Hw:146
STG:130
LTG:110
BMI:
too fucking high
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helene_fabian
xalmostxperfect
helene_fabian

Name (optional):
Age: 22
Eating Disorder: ed nos/ restricting/exercise
Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed: self
Time period of ED: 5yrs on/off
Height: 5'5
Cw: 130lbs
Lw: 113lbs.
Hw: 134 lbs
STG: 125
LTG: 118
BMI:~21

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helene_fabian
xalmostxperfect
helene_fabian
Hey All
Ive been away for about a year and a month, used to be active member of this group..

I NEED to get on track, ive been back to the gym the past couple days but i need to seriously start restricting/losing. If anyone wants an email buddy for support (maybe like daily updates or whatnot, to stay on track) lemme know and ill give u my email. Hope to talk to some1 <3
1 comment or comment
letsgetoverit
xalmostxperfect
letsgetoverit
Name (optional): lia
Age: 16
Eating Disorder: ed nos/ anorexia idk which one lol
Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed: been thrown a million diagnosis at me
Time period of ED: 3 years
Height: 5'0
Cw: 84lbs
Lw: 71lbs.
Hw: 98 lbs
STG: 75
LTG: 69
BMI: 16.4
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want2besomebody
xalmostxperfect
want2besomebody
Hi, i've been here for about 2 and a half years but have opened a new account. So those of you who have also been around awhile won't know me, but anyways I thought it would be good to put the past behind me and start fresh.

I developed an ED two and a half years ago but recovered and have had minor relapses about three or four times since recovering. I want to be happy with my body so I am on a mission to reach my target weight. I don't want to fall into my ED again, but I am going to resrict as much as I can while maintaining a regular college life so my grades don't suffer. I am going to exercise, run primarily, aswell as yoga and situps. I walk alot so that helps. I have discovered vitamin water lately which I am going to start drinking more often. I used to be hooked on red bull and it did wonders for my metabolism but I am going to try and avoid it because I know it's bad for me in the excessive amounts I drink it when I get on it. I am going to eat one meal a day, minimum, as I need it being a student. For one I can't bear having a rumbling stomach in lectures all day and I can't concentrate when I don't eat anything. I am lucky in that I live alone so have weekends to myself aswell as evenings. I am off uni wednesdays and fridays but have to go in for additional practical work (I work with horses and we have yard hours to make up). This is good though because I am moving and my empty tummy is much less noticable. Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays I am at uni for lunch so will have to eat some form of lunch. Those days I won't have dinner.

On my days off I plan to run, when I build uo my stamina I will run on days I have uni. I always get home tired and have no energy to exercise which isn't good. I really need to regain control of this. I need to stop eating whatever I like, whenever I like. And start eating only for fuel. I need to exercise again and take note of my weight. When I get like this I always stop weighing and avoid it the longer it goes on. I am going to weigh in the morning then go for a run, I am dreading it. But I know I NEED to do this. But I WILL be careful this time.

Looking forward to getting to know you all

Ash
xOx

mood: sleepy

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xalmostxperfect
hanikamimay
I used to be a part of this once upon a time, and I've drifted back because "recovering" is soo not working for me. Just started college again and I get the feeling everyone's staring at me because I look horrible.
Anyway..


Name (optional): hanikamimay
Age: 21
Eating Disorder: ED-NOS
Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed: Self
Time period of ED: A couple years now.
Height: 5'3"
Cw: 150lbs.
Lw: 110lbs.
Hw: 180lbs.
STG: 135lbs.
LTG: 105lbs.
BMI: Too lazy to figure it out atm, but it's prolly bad.


Tags: ,
mood: tired

2 comments or comment
xalmostxperfect
orchid_35
morning all,it seems im not the only one that has been away from all u guys for a while,however glad ur all back and im back on track now,had to go as my husband found out wat i was doing and then i fell pregnant with my beautiful son in my pic he 12weeks old now,i was 9 and a half stone at my haeviest im now 7 stones 12 pounds and my goal weight is 7 stones 7 for now cus having so much trouble getting weight down again xx
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swordnsandal
xalmostxperfect
swordnsandal
I've been unfaithful. It shows, I'm no longer considered thin to anyone. I don't get the fussing and the worrying. I'd be fine not to have that, but I still I'd feel better about myself if I were lighter, fitter.

I babble and list a lot of numbersCollapse )
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morning_fight
xalmostxperfect
morning_fight
 

well....

im not new. but you probably dont know me because i was under another name.

even then, i did not speak to most of you.



still....



Name: eisley
Age: 17
Eating Disorder: ednos
Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed: the latter then the former.
Time period of ED: 2 years
Height: 5'8
Cw: 150
Lw: 130
Hw: 170
BMI: i need to check



so thats that. i relapsed into fatdom when i was sent to the hospital again.

now im about 20 lbs heavier.



yay me.

(heavy sarcasm)


i was also scared to get on, because of the immense amount of trouble i got into when my parents found my account.

but im back and ready to start brand new.



i would love to have some new friends, and most people may think my journal is pretty darn interesting.

so please, talk to me if you feel the need--because we may be best friends.


much love,

Eisley.

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x_k_dickinson_x
xalmostxperfect
x_k_dickinson_x

Name : Kelly
Age:16
Eating Disorder:Anorexia/Bulimia
Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed:Diagnosed
Time period of ED:2 years
Height:5'3"
Cw:6st 4lb
Lw:"
Hw:9st 6lb
gw1:6st (10th february)
gw2: 5st 10lb (end of february)
BMI:14.7
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dietblog1016
xalmostxperfect
dietblog1016
Day one of the three day fast proposed by Blues91. Good luck to all who joined in!
I'm modifying it to diet drinks, tea, coffee, apple cider vinegar (the most surefire way I've found to loose a belly) and gum. THREE DAYS! Ready set go!
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bladed_nymphet
xalmostxperfect
bladed_nymphet
So, I'm trying to find that one website where you can enter in how many calories you plan to eat per day, and then how much exercise you plan to do, and it will tell you week by week how much weight you will lose...

does anyone know the website I'm talking about, and what the address is...? 
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dietblog1016
xalmostxperfect
dietblog1016
I need help getting back on track. Please. PLEASE help me, i'm begging you. I miss my old body. I'm uncomfortable in my own body. Please help me. Give me goals. A task. Make it a game, make it fun. I'm depressed with how I look and feel. Anyone that says bulimia helps you lose weight is a fucking moron, I've gained so much and I feel like i don't even digest anything. Fuck. FUCK. I need help. I need YOUR help. Please help me.

mood: depressed

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swordnsandal
xalmostxperfect
swordnsandal
So here's my problem: Usually when I'm physically well I can restrict or fast and still feel okay; I'll have enough energy at work still. But I'm sick again (flu, congestion, headache), and whenever I'm sick I feel completely zapped. Like I can't get through my day at all, much less do my job. (I have to be on my feet, moving, helping people, for eight hours a day.) I don't binge, but I usually loose control over what I eat when I'm feeling like this. I don't stick to my plan and I don't keep track because it feels like I'm just doing what I have to to get by.

Any suggestions?

Thank you in advance!

<3
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notime_forme
xalmostxperfect
notime_forme
Photobucket
prettydirtty
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xalmostxperfect
diorbaby1687

Name: diorbaby1687
Age:17 in one month
Eating Disorder: EDNOS
Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed: self
Time period of ED: started 2 years ago for about 6 months started again last year and then self recovery for a year until now (if that makes any sense whatsoever)
Height:5ft 4
Cw:89 lbs
Lw: 82lbs
Hw: 98 lbs
STG:82/80
LTG:???
BMI:15.1
nice to meet you all 
 today my intake sofar 371 
xx

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wannabe_thinspo
xalmostxperfect
wannabe_thinspo
hey

so basically i havent posted in a really long time
but i really miss this place
and having people to talk to who really understand me
so i just wanted to say hi
and that i will be posting a lot more

peace
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thorazine_tea
xalmostxperfect
thorazine_tea
After around nine months of eating normally, I went back to restricting. Im having a rough night, so I thought I'll repost my stats to waste some time and to state that Im back...

Stats...Collapse )

Tags:

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greywicker
xalmostxperfect
greywicker
 Last Tuesday I had a hoagie. I posted about it. Since then, I've been all fucked up with food. It's a downward spiral.

Weird thoughts/feelings happen with ups and downs in my eating patterns. Go too long eating too much and you get either: 

1. binge/purge/self-injure urges or 
2. paranoia and horrible, horrible nightmares.

I don't know if these things are related to my eating habits in any concrete, provable way, but I definitely feel like they wax and wane with my intake. This time around it's been #2. Hello, paranoia. It's been a while.

I went to bed last night terrified of mostly everything. (Forgive Durden - Parable of the Sower, anyone?) Falling asleep didn't go well. In my head, someone was yelling in my ear while I was waiting to pass out. There was nothing calm about it.  I know I was flinching. It didn't feel like drifting off so much as limping as fast as I could. 

When my brain does this my dreams are predictable. They cover:

1. graphic violence, frequently car wrecks or burn victims
2. dying in an elevator
3. being trapped underground with a large group of people, failing to coordinate an effective evacuation
4. tornados
5. a huge natural distaster wherein I fail to save people

So I woke up breathless, exhausted, and headachey. Were these things not taking place in my own head, I'd find them interesting to analyze. Especially because if you asked me to list things that really scare the shit out of me the above might not make the list. Interesting. Are they analogies? What?

As it stands I just feel stupid actually writing them down. Or caring. Sorry. I realize how self-involved I am. I'm tired, though. It pisses me off not to get rest out of my sleep.

At work I fell back into another familiar pattern: my mind trawls through half-remembered events and uses them to illustrate what an embarassing, fat, vulgar douchebag I am. I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. It's like a screen saver. Mind goes idle: remember that time in sophomore year Adam said he liked your pants? You love those pants. But he was making fun of you because they were tight and you're fat. And you, being the naive idiot you are, said 'thanks'. 

 And on it goes. I never run out of memories, my catalogue is endless. The damage each memory does is not necessarily related to how objectively embarassing it should be. The example above is a brick to the chest every time I think of it. Why? I have no idea. 

But I fully believe the judgement I pass on myself every single time. I think it in my own voice. I cultivate it: I find the perfect word to describe each individual failing. I am fat, I am stupid, I am naive, I am loud, I am overly effusive, I am embarassing, I am pretentious, I am selfish, I am everything everyone hates (most of all me).  I spend the next few hours with a hung head and curled-in spine, collapsed on myself. 

Today, though. I had a novel idea. This is going to sound pretty stupid. But today was the first time it ever really occured to me that maybe those things aren't  really true? Maybe I'm not horrible? Maybe my compulsion to condemn everything I've ever thought or said is purely pathological. Not real. There is maybe a chance that other people don't see me like I do.

It only takes as long as forming these thoughts to reject them. I know, says my brain, that I really am all of those things. It's only weakness, an unwillingness to change, that makes me want to deny it. 

I am going to be pretty embarassed by this post in the morning. Right now, though, I'm pretty sure I'd give my right hand to never feel like the person I believe I am ever again.
2 comments or comment
xalmostxperfect
anakate09

I'm back.

And I'm offensively fat, once again.

Gained like 15 lbs over break because I can't resist my mom's decadent cooking and all the candy she bought.

Fast time.  Tomorrow (Wednesday) until next Wednesday.  Its going to be hard, but its going to be worth it.  

Anybody else in?

Tags:
locale: Room
mood: determined
music: Irreplaceable

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rockdiva317
xalmostxperfect
rockdiva317
i bought size medium leggings yesterday! a big accomplishment for me lol...i bought a large too cuz they were different brands and the large is actually tighter lol...i need to find out my new bra size cuz its definitely smaller...i was like a 42 C and Im sure im a B now but not sure about the number size...does anyone know if Victoria's secret still measures people? I live in nj so if anyone knows if the Garden State Plaza one does that would be awesome...i hate boys right now but thats nothing new...i went out last night with my gay guy friends and a girl hit on me lol...im straight but she was pretty and i flirted lol...then my other gay guy friend texted me about going to a wedding next year with him...gay men treat me better...and the girl was more of a gentleman than most guys i met...im just happy i got hit on at all...its been a while since i went out and had a guy act interested...i got hit on more when i was 40lbs heavier...oh well...think positive and to hell with the haters...
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xalmostxperfect
dreamer11389
wow its been months since ive even logged in, even longer since ive posted...my current stats

Height: 5'8"
CW: 119lbs.- i know im just a bag of pudge
LW:112lbs.
HW:125lbs.

ive stopped working out for a month which has been the longest ive ever gone without working out...i dont know why i just lost time BUT surprisingly my body has not changed whatsoever, THANK GOD well except that my muscle is probably now gone...   anywho ive decided to get back on track cuz i tend to go thru phases where i just simply cannot stand myself any longer... don't get me wrong im pretty much always disgusted.  i guess ill just start with a few one day fasts and do what i do best...not.  this may be pointless as the holidays are here and ill most likely be caught stuffing my face.  i hate new years resolution but ill start working out again regularly when january comes...I absolutely must loose a significant amount of weight before the end of june cuz im studying abroad this summer and i just want to feel good for once, seriouly tho i think this trip will be just the thing to make me crack down.  i realize its basically six months away but it leaves me plenty of time to screw up and gear up for a whole month of fasting in june. god im pathetic...sorry if this was a stupid post but i felt like ranting a little...blah.  anyways i will be posting much much more nowadays and givin support

xoxo
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palmtree_love
xalmostxperfect
palmtree_love
so it's been forever since i've posted. i used to be really active in the "other" almost famous but i've been trying to work a lot on my "problems" lately. i've been doing pretty well =]

but, i needed a place to vent with people who would understand.

i was sitting in the student union with a few friends and with this one girl that i don't like to begin with. i hear her talking about being sick and not having to exercising. i wasn't really paying attention to her but then at this point she caught my attention because i couldn't figure out what she meant. anyway she proceeded on by saying she wanted to lose weight and was to lazy to exercise so if she could just catch the flu or strep she could lose weight easily. and then she continues or maybe i can just be anorexic or something for a few weeks, that would work, etc, etc. errrr, i was soo pissed!!! i had to fucking leave.

why are people so stupid?!?

Tags: ,

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xalmostxperfect
itswithac
anyone here have msn?

add me! lalaitsnicolex@hotmail.com
1 comment or comment
xalmostxperfect
itswithac
Last time I updated my journal I was 104, but a LOT has changed (for the better) =)

Name (optional): Caroline
Age: 16
Eating Disorder: I don't call it an e.d. I call it good dieting =)
Diagnosed or Self Diagnosed: Self
Time period of ED: 3 years
Height: 5'3 5'4
Cw: 98
Lw: Not sure
Hw: 113
STG: Im not sure what this means. 96?
LTG: 96?
BMI: 16.8
PICTURES (optional, under lj-cut): I don't have any yet, but I'll put some up!

And I really need someone to talk to about this guy. I'll explain (PLEASE PLEASEPLEASSSSE!!)

So I saw this guy in the hallways at my highschool like every other day last year, I know he saw me too because he would wait outside of his class for me to go by, he told his friend obviuosly about me because then his friend would wait outside, look at me, etc. Then this year I saw him in ANOTHER hallway, he still looks at me and then we kind of just stopped. I started going a different way but mostly because of being self concious(SP?) Well I really really like him. I'm not sure why. Yesterday I was opening the door and I grabbed the handle and the door just flung open. Maybe it was because I was nervous. It was REALLY embarassing hahahha. And I was like "Ouch!" But yeah, I was nervous because when I opened it guess who was right there waiting to go through the door? Yeah himmm!! ahhhh! So then I looked up and he was smiling! And I know this doesn't seem like a big deal and I would be talking to him but I don't know him and I don't know what to say to someone I don't know. But I definteley wish on every 11:11 and I always hope he'll just jump through the door and like have mistle toe in his pocket! hahahahhhhhhhhhh I'm soooo gayyy lmaoooooooooooo. But what do you guys think about this??? I know it's not ED related but I have noone to talk to about that. PLEASE!!!!
1 comment or comment